Hello my friends
January 2003
Me here. Thought I'd talk to the group.
It has been, as (nearly) always, an amazing time.
I want to get caught up.
Life
In the business world we've been working on one routine since September. The main program I help support ships on a CD, and installs 25mb on the hard drive. It was my task to create the systems by which the program could automatically update itself through the internet. This included the "authoring" systems, whereby the main office can tell the program what needs to be updated, along with my program being able to recognize this. Very entertaining.
My rock band has decided what it's going to be working on this year: "The Seven Words on the Cross."
I continue to be challenged by TCoY. More on that later.
Death
Most remarkably, It's been quite a season of death around here.
 | Started in November, when a friend's father-in-law died. |
| Christmas day one of the pillars of my little community died. |
| Two days later my best friend's father died. |
| Jan 16 one of the blessed souls who worked with the company I program for died. |
| And Jan 20 my Mom joined the parade. |
This has been intense. Memorials & services & phone calls and....and....and....
I'm sure you know how it is. If you don't, you will.
One of the people reading this is Next. Is it you? Is it me?
My Mom was really a remarkable person. Beyond belief (you know, the older I get the more I hate that word) is faith, and beyond faith is certainty. When she called us mid August to announce that she'd been diagnosed with terminal inoperable lung cancer, she said 2 main things: 1) "I'm not afraid to die. I know my Mom is waiting for me." 2) "Please do not pray for a miracle for me. I've had more than my fair share of miracles."
I wonder how many of us can say the same?
Resolutions
The closer a loved one is to me, when they die the ultimate reaction for me is always the same: "Am I living the best life I can?" Intense times of self examination result, the intensity directly related to the closeness of the newly departed.
At New Years I made 3 resolutions:
| Eliminate Stress |
| Express Joy |
| Exercise Health |
Very simple. And I mean it. So far, actually, so good.
"What??!? How can that be??!?!?"
Certainty
"You mean that with even your Mom dying your are stress-free?"
Well, essentially, yes.
Hopefully you have read my Spiritual Autobiography, Transcendent Experiences. The pertinent chapter is NDE, where I describe my impressions (or delusions) that I remember the next world.
I cannot resolve for you the issues of life & death. I do know, with absolute certainty, the following:
| My impressions of The Next World are, for me, real. |
| I cannot prove that to you, and that's fine. |
| My Mother had just such a certainty, that death is only a transition to the next stage. |
| Having observed people with and without this certainty go through the trauma of death, I can assure you it is better with the certainty of eternal life. |
| Most of the things that people believe are needed to gain eternal life are wrong. |
| The older I get the more certain I am that I must continue to work without attachments to the fruit of my labors. That is the highest way. |
| And so, I am convinced, I owe it to the world/group/myself/God to do some more writing. |
More?
"I thought you made a big deal about the Myth of More always resulting in less. What's up?"
I'm still certain it is true. In oh, so many ways. In the world of business/money, my major accomplishment in 2002 was that I paid off my mortgage. The majority reaction I get from people in the financial planning industry is "But that's Un-American!" And they are serious. The idea (they think) is to always get a bigger & bigger house, with an ever larger mortgage, so that with proper leveraging & diversified investment strategies you can.......Well, let's just say that the idea of finding a home you love (instead of invest in) and can afford to buy in a reasonable timeframe (I'm 44) never, ever crosses their minds.
The simpler life is glorious, my friends. You do not need endless activities & parties & quests & conquests. No, not wrong, not evil. But do not underestimate the Power of Simplicity. Remember Luke 10:38, Mary & Martha.
The same pertains to Religion & Learning. An endless parade of ideas & learning of trivia dulls the mind. What we need is a simple, ultra-powerful core, that will lead us into all truth. I've done my best to provide that here in TCoY.
Beethoven's Only Symphony
And so? Why am I convinced I have much more to write?
I have been given many gifts. I have letters & testimonials from literally hundreds of people, expressing how this ministry has touched & inspired them, sometimes even changing their lives.
Yet there are many things, in this vast world of Truth, that I have not discussed. In some ways I've been holding back, for the hate mails (oh yes, I get them) are most certainly to increase.
But if Beethoven has stopped composing after his first symphony, what then? True, he would have been faithful to his muse. "Could you ask as much from any other man?" Writing even one symphony is a task beyond nearly all human beings. Yet this was Beethoven's gift. His anointing. His calling. He would have deprived himself & the world of much, if he had stopped with the First Symphony.
And I have more to write. This is my Gift, Anointing and Calling.
Frustrations
I vacillate between two extremes regarding TCoY.
On the one end is "I've already written so much, nothing else needs to be said, and sometimes I grow so tired...."
On the other is an immense sense of lost opportunity. Newsletters, live web casts, interactive questions to help determine where to guide the seeker, flash illustrations, etc etc etc........Billions to touch and fellowship with.
With all of the end-of-year discussion in the business, it appears (as of this writing) that I will not be able to retire from the business world for 5 more years. At least not without causing great harm to myself and many others. And I'm more than fine with that.
But it also means that TCoY will remain in second place, as it pertains to time, effort, and center of focus.
That's OK too. I will continue to do what I can do.
There are other frustrations, too. Minor, and on the human level, but they are real:
| Even among the "you've changed my life" letters, (almost) no one ever returns material thanks. I do not take any money from TCoY; just the opposite, I fund it all from my programming business. I am far from poor. But NO ONE could possibly think that more $$, put into ads & promotion, could POSSIBLY fail to expand the horizons of the ministry. |
| Meanwhile, hundreds of millions of dollars, even billions, go to support the rapists, liars, and those who propagate fear & hatred in the world. Oh well. We fight hard for the filthy world we inhabit. |
| There are many who've written the "you've changed my life" letters who, I discover one way or the other, are living ugly, nasty lives. They can't even be pleasant to their spouses or families. What hope for the world? If the "change of life" doesn't result in any kindness or love, then nothing that really matters has been changed. |
| The ever-present "What, nothing new?" I think, put as simply as I can, that I really resist (and fear) becoming just another stop along the "spiritual entertainment of he day" web ring. This stuff matters. Really, really matters, at least to me. This is life & death. Or at least my life, and my death. |
| I'm sorry that things like the Discussion Group seem always to fade away unless I constantly prop them up. I know, statistically, that I am not the center of the universe. But my entire life, even to this day, it certainly seems that way. Any music project I want will happen, but nothing will happen without me being the cheerleader. Anything I want TCoY to do/be can happen, but no one will work with me to help carry any kind of burden/project without my constant involvement. I remember 1978 - 1981, I taught a weekly Bible study. The logistics were that I would call everyone who'd ever attended, every week, inviting them, asking them to come over, reminding them, etc. The group worked & grew. Literally countless times I was told that "This is the most wonderful Bible Study I have ever attended." One Saturday I decided to try a little test....what would happen if I stopped calling? Of course, no one called, no one came. End of story. And this type of scenario has been repeated many times over the years. Frankly, this is not something I can understand. No one calls me or prods me to "do" this ministry. It is important, I value it, and no one could stop me, short of committing violence. Why, then, am I just about the only human I know with this quality? Beats me. |
| People who barely have their own lives together, not able or willing to physically aid TCoY in any way, sitting back & telling me that I need to do more, make more of a commitment, etc. Drives me crazy. |
| People who give me general, vague "You are lost" comments. I really, really want feedback & dialogue. So point to the chapter & verse, paste my quote into your email, or at least give me the web address. If there's something wrong here, I need to know, and need to correct it. I want people to help me in that, but just saying "You are pathetic" just doesn't get the job done. Just what part of me is pathetic? Please?!? |
So, you see, I am human. Very much so.
Of course, as I've said, the only way out of this is to stay focused on The Path. To Do What I Have to Do Because It Is The RIGHT Thing To Do, and no other.
Everything else is a distraction, a pull off of the central column.
1) I need to continue to program the computer. Until or unless someone is willing to help return financial thanks to TCoY, I must stay the current course.
2) That means that I must concentrate my limited resources on content rather than presentation. For now, baring unforeseen circumstances, that means no web casts, living demos, and Yhwh.tv will remain for the future.
3) I know what I feel most called to write.
Documents
With the strength I have, I will to write the following. I cannot imagine how all this can be done this year, but these are what matter:
1) Responses to the (worthy) emails I get. I used to answer all the "you are going to hell" emails, but it seems so pointless as time goes on.
2) "A Treatise on Cosmology - How the Universe Really Works." A companion to The Revealing Science of God, I will go into much greater depth on what happens after you die, how the universe was made, and that type of thing.
3) "Babel's Revenge." My 3 volume trilogy on the destruction of the Tower of Babel, and the centuries-long plan for revenge that the Builders of the Tower plot against Yhwh. Historical fiction.
Summary
That's it. That's what's been happening, where I am, and where I intend to go.
Yes, I want many fellow travelers. Some part of me still seeks to transform the planet in a Dawn of God Consciousness.
I am convinced this will happen.
But not in my lifetime.
But I must never allow this to cause despair. The people who are convinced "Jesus is coming," and do nothing to aid the planet or any of its people, can frankly go to hell. And will, if you want my opinion.
Thanks for listening.
Ahyh, January 22, 2003.
